I’m bored, my meds are fucked and I have no idea how to correct them, I’m anxious about tomorrow (today, I guess) and nobody is awake! Oh, and the light bulb has gone and I can’t replace it because I a) have no bulbs b) don’t know if it’s a bayonette or screw bulb and […]

I feel like shit, actually. I just love this song and it reminds me of a friend who got married on Saturday. I went to the service and it was really beautiful, I cried lol but it was so touching, and I love the boths of them. But I had the shit triggered out of […]

I can be who you want me to be, but do you want me? I’m having a really hard time coping right now. I’m worried about my friends – yes, I’m always worried about my friends, I know that’s an old song now. But it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be worried or I should ‘get […]

Happy Birthday Amy. It’s your 30th. I want to say I’ll have a drink for you. I know you’d approve the sentiment, but I reckon you’d be prouder that I intend to stay sober, because I am doing what I can to get the best future I can for myself. I think about you so […]

Update. – probably the most important, I am sober.  it’s been a good two weeks.  And it’s okay, I’m coping without it.  It now feels normal to not drink.  I can be around people drinking, and not want to myself.  And, I haven’t been abstinent, totally.  I’ve drunk a couple of times, but not excessively. […]

Pain.  Real, hard, tangible, physical pain.  It’s always been in my life and I have a very complex relationship with it.  Complexities interest me, especially when unusual.  I like to know things, to understand things, so I’m happy to pick apart and worry away until it’s clear in my mind. There’s always been pain.  I […]